After watching the dynamics of my children for a while now, I was reminded of my own relationship with my younger brother, my only sibling. What stood out in both cases was the superiority that is naturally shown by the older sibling and the almost heartbreaking inferiority that the younger one sometimes feels.
I know now that since my brother is older, he has made his own way in life and hasn’t been affected too badly (wink, Jay), but I am concerned about my youngest son.
He suffers from the inferiority complex that naturally comes with being younger, to a worse degree than I have seen in a while. I take every opportunity to try and explain to him that he is loved and appreciated but I fear for his self image when he grows up. In his own little wonderful way, he tries to prove his worth by doing everything perfectly. He is the perfect cub scout, has exceptional handwriting for a second grader (better than a lot of adults I have seen) and gets good grades. No amount of kudos from me seems to improve his self image.
The catapult for me to write this article came this morning when we got a phone call from his school saying that, as he was riding his bike across the drop off exit of the school, he was hit by a car. It turned out he was okay, a little scrap on his elbow (the school was extra cautious and called emergency services) and he was still able to attend classes today. But upon arriving at the school and talking to my son, we discovered that he was expecting to be in trouble. He thought he did something wrong!
Maybe we all blame ourselves when something goes wrong but, being his mother, I know that he might not internally except any other explanation than that he was to blame. When he comes home from school today I will try and impart to him that no matter how careful we are sometimes, accidents happen and that it doesn’t make sense to point fingers, especially at yourself. That’s why it’s called an “accident” and not an “on-purpose”. Blaming and chastising yourself reduces your self worth.
But what about everyone else? I can think of countless times that I have spoken to people and observed through body language and, well, actually language that they have little self worth. They have allowed what others believe about them to be their own truth. They have taken the hurtful words of others and installed them as their own beliefs about themselves.
So, what are we actually worth? Or, more precisely, what value do you place on your self worth? Without trying to sound like a pep talk, I will try and explain why every person, including you, adds value to humanity.
Your Uniqueness
Each person brings to this life a unique quality. Some are able to climb mountains, some are good with words and some can ride a skateboard really well. Regardless of their self image, there is something everyone can do well. Even if it’s just talking on the phone. What are you good at?
When you focus on this question, I recommend putting aside any thoughts like “I can’t do anything right” and save the pity party for later. There is something you do well. Maybe you are a happier person who is more confident in yourself and you are aware of your one true strength. Fantastic. You don’t need to read this!
For the rest of us, whatever your conclusion, no matter how insignificant you think your particular strength might be, it is how you contribute to humanity and the greater good. I’ll use the example of being really good at talking on the phone. Most people would think that this is a rather lowly example of a person strongest quality, so lets look at it further.
How can it help others?
If this person got a job at a customer service center, they would probably do well. How many times have you called customer service and were connected to a unhappy person? How nice was it to talk to someone who was helpful and able to get your problem solved for you? I know I have appreciated the people that are genuinely happy. It has made my day a few times. My entire day was changed because I started it off feeling good having had a great conversation with a person who opened up and I had a nice chat with while trying to answer my particular question. They help others by making them feel good through the phone.
How does it give self worth (assuming you are the person with this stellar trait)?
By having the ability to speak well, you help others. Selflessly helping others is the pinnacle of the human experience, whatever it’s form. No other thing you can do can reach it’s heights. If you like talking on the phone then naturally I can assume that you can talk on the phone for long periods of time. If you are talking on the phone for hours, you eventually start problem solving, even if you are talking about someone else the entire time. Things like, what you would do different from that other person or what you wish they would do instead. What you may not realize is that by voicing these things, you are helping others but most importantly, you are also helping yourself. You are making statements out loud that your subconscious is hearing and incorporating into your beliefs.
Whether or not the statements are true is of little consequence. The important thing is that you are defining and refining who you are by making them. You can change beliefs at anytime to match new information you receive and, in essence, evolve yourself.
Adding value to the world
Okay, what about being a good skateboard rider? How is that helping humanity (you ask with a raised eyebrow)? Anytime you are engaging in an activity that you love and have passion for, you are making the world a happier place for the time that you are doing it. When you are happy, other people feel it. That in turn, brings a little moment of happiness to them. You may not make everyone happy. In fact, you can’t. But someone will see the skateboarding and it will make them smile.
Even if the rest of your life outside of riding that skateboard is filled with ugliness either internally or externally, in that moment you are the God force, if you will. God force is always in the act of creating. Creation is a selfless act. It may make you feel good which may seem like selfishness, but it is actually unselfish expression. When we are doing the things we love, we are not focused inward, we are focused outward on what we are doing. When our focus is outward, we are creating. We are being exactly like source energy. God is not called “The Creator” for nothing.
If everybody on the entire planet wanted to be good at riding a skateboard, the world would be a pretty dull place. But the very fact that we each have a different area in which we excel is why the world works and is a lot of fun.
In order for a building to get built, there needs to someone who excels at each of the following: architecture, construction, plumbing, electrical, painting, dry walling, flooring, etc. If everyone were good at plumbing, the world would look very different. And usually when you are good at something, you enjoy it. If work is not where you are happiest, then there is probably something else you do that you love. Playing a guitar, building log cabins with matchsticks or maybe even sex.
Just as in life, there needs to be people that are good at every single thing that you can imagine.
The energy of the world
Have you ever walked into a room of people and instantly felt what you can only describe as a “negative vibe” from a particular person in the room? What is that? Is it conditioning? Did you learn that through growing up and learning what your likes and dislikes were when it came to other people?
In an interesting experiment, babies were laid down on a nice comfy table and a video monitor was hovered over their face where they were presented with a slide show. Each slide consisting of several faces. They monitored where the babies eyes naturally went. The experiment was to find out if we are preconditioned from birth to recognize physical beauty and amazingly, their little eyes wandered to the best looking person on the screen, time and again. The physical traits that are considered beautiful were predetermined by the scientists based on a general consensus. Fascinating yes, but even more so is that the babies spent the least amount of time looking at the “ugliest” faces with the one exception being the baby’s mother. They concluded that it must not matter what she looked like because she represented safety. We are pre-programmed to shy away from people we who may seem to be harmful to us. Not to say that ugly people are harmful, but a baby doesn’t know that.
We could have an entire discussion on the subsequent life styles of those at each end of the beauty spectrum, but you already know how that would go. I do not consider myself to be a good looking person by most peoples standards, but I don’t care. I know my self worth.
You could argue that the whole experiment had only to do with physical beauty and that not having an actual physical presence of the people makes in inapplicable as their is no “vibe” for the baby to respond to. But I think it does apply. Where did that pre-programming come from? Evolution and DNA would be a great explanation, but then that completely ignores the fact that there is something greater than ourselves out there. Something else providing us with information. I believe there is.
I believe that there is an energy that we have access to that provides us with a great deal of information about others and when we walk into that room and get that “vibe” it is source energy giving us information via our feelings. The following actual thoughts of what could be the detractors are the result of learned ideas of what we like and don’t like about people.
What about the opposite? Walking into a room and one person is just a magnet. Not a sexual magnet, but that one person that is exuding life. Maybe even someone you are not remotely attracted to physically. Where does that feeling come from? Same place as the other one.
You just know, for some unexplainable reason, that one person’s simple presence changes the whole dynamic of the room for the better. Everyone is happier because that person is there. They are changing the people around them at that moment with their presence and making the world a better place right then.
Why this all applies to your worth is that, for the moments that you are in that place of enjoying life and doing what you love, you are just like that person who is the life of the party, even if you are by yourself. You are adding energy to the world that speaks to humanity’s highest purpose. Creation and happiness. And you are a perfect expression of source energy in one of it’s zillions of forms.
Source energy, or if you prefer, God, can do everything. Even talking well on the phone, riding a skateboard, climbing a mountain or building a tower. Anything you can imagine. We each are in our own way the perfect expression of source energy. You are perfect, right now in this moment, no matter what your perceived flaws, exactly as you are.
And that is your worth.
1 comment