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  • About me

    I'm quirky and I sometimes talk too much (okay, more than sometimes). Photoshop ninja. I'm not passionate about photography, I'm obsessed with it.
    Then there's the 100 Things About me.

A Guy Thing

Recent conversation:

Me: I can tell you aren’t actually reading my blog posts.

Mike: No, I DO!

Me: I KNOW you aren’t reading them.

Mike: *sigh* Yeah. It’s because I’m a guy.

Me: *brain jumps into husband interpretation mode* You mean there aren’t enough fart jokes and potty talk?

Mike: *He grins sheepishly and shrugs his shoulders* What can I say? I’m a guy.

Me: Uhg!

****************

So, here it is, just for you Mike!

****************

What is the sharpest thing in the world?
A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.

*

A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place.
But in the end it couldn’t ‘cos it had no guts.

*

What’s the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

*

What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fart.

*

What do you get if you eat beans and onions?
Tear Gas.

*

You’re so poor:
You had to fart in your pocket to make a scent.

*

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

*

Why don’t little girls fart?
Because they don’t have assholes until they’re married.

*

What do you call a fart?
A turd honking for the right of way.

*

If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would fart.

*

What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.

*

What do you call “fart” in German?
Farfrompoopin!

*

Your ass is so tight:
You fart and only dogs can hear it.

*

What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
A private tutor!

*

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they’ll stop laughing.

*

Confucius say:
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

*************

Or, or.. better yet! Check out the

————>>> Dog Fart Orchestra! <<<————–

*************

Thank you to Fart-Joke.com. It saved me the anguish of trolling the internet for hours looking for “guy stuff”. Don’t say I never gave you nothin.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Laughter « LauraMetzger.com - December 16, 2010 - 11:53 AM

[…] Of course Mike LOVED it. The boys kept insisting that I watch that scene where he’s sitting on the toilet! Rewind it again! (curse you DVR) OMG Mom, that is SO funny! Not. […]

Swedish Dragon Book

Stieg Larsson’s book The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is currently on my Kindle. I never watch TV so when I started looking around for some reference to write this, imagine my surprise to find out that it’s been out in movie form since 2009. I’ll take a gander at it once I finish the book.

I had seen this book around, heard all the rhetoric, watched it fly off the shelf when I was working at the bookstore and put it in my mental queue for reading at a later date. There was a whole series of paranormal romances that I need to get through first.

About a year ago I downloaded the except onto my Kindle and began reading. I kept stumbling over the Swedish names, cultural references and several words which were left untranslated (like why didn’t they translate the word “gaol” to “jail”? I’m just sayin..) so in frustration, I gave up and put it aside. I started in on it again a few months later with the same result. Maybe I was just being stubborn. Shock!

I was at a party six month later talking to the hostess who said that she had just finished reading it cover to cover in one sitting. I’ve done that a few times when a book was awesome. She said, oh yeah. It’s that good! I mentioned my issue with it. She said that once you get past that first part the story gets good and none of that matters. She was right.

I am tired today.:-)