REVIEW – Love and Respect
by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs
My first reaction to this book was that it could save a marriage. I purchased it with the intent to strengthen mine as I have always considered it a work in progress but saw the benefit of helping a relationship on the brink of the “D” word. If both people are willing to go through a few of the exercises, it could potentially have a huge impact and turn it completely around. It explains exactly what each person wants to hear and how to say and show it.
As I began reading more, I began to see that his book provides the tools to tune up any relationship regardless of it’s condition.
This is a christian book but it really delves into the psychological difference between what all men and women want out of their relationship. Because of this book, I have changed a few things about myself and my marriage is better because of it.
My initial thought on reading that I should respect my husband grated against a very deep part of me that is very independent. But after reading further and asking my husband a few questions, I began to understand that it is the type of respect that we should give to all human beings and sometimes forget to give those closest to us. My hackles smoothed down. I wouldn’t have to play the subservient wife after all. Phew!
For men, I believe that it provides clarity and insight into what women really want. I have heard my share of men bellyache about being clueless as to what women really need in terms of emotional support. A great read for any man interested in understanding more about the woman in his life with great ideas on how to show her love.
In the dialog my husband and I started after reading the book, there seemed to be more openness for understanding and explanation. I feel the conversation that ensued was worth the price of the book. I didn’t necessarily agree with all the points as I am not a fundamentalist-minded christian, but I did feel that the basics for all human relationships were in there. I found a few of the exercises worked miracles and sent my relationship to the next level.
I have always maintained that having a loving feeling towards yourself and your family, and being able to forgive as well as apologize when you are wrong is enough to keep any relationship in good shape. This book added to that thinking that we also need validation from those closest to us and that validation is different for men and women. I have kept in mind that we tend to give what we want (i.e. I show him love when he actually desires respect and vice-versa) so sometimes a little open-mindedness is required to look at larger picture.
Over all I would give this book 4 out of 5 stars. I did not give it all five as I feel it leaves out the main theme of attraction and self love. You can’t help but like yourself more when your are nicer to those around you, but wanting your needs met by others undermines the concept of law of attraction. Having said that, we should always explore how to improve our connection with others and I think this book does a great job of helping improve it with those closest to us.